Breaking Down Read online

  I nod, praying the movement doesn’t send the earth spinning again. “I’ll be fine.”

  Seemingly convinced I am, indeed, able to look after myself, Mav and Aubrey head to New York, while Bria, Reed, and I make our way home. The reception when we get there is ten times worse than Reed and Mav’s mothering. Add to that the fact Bria is having a more difficult time with this pregnancy, and everyone is running around like we’re both about to fall apart at any minute. Plus, I still haven’t heard from Quinn since before the comp. I know she has a boyfriend, but do I mean that little to her she can’t even send me a message checking to see if I’m alive? Some doctor she’s going to be.

  Bria comes back from the bathroom once again and joins me on the couch. The couch, the bathroom, and bedrooms are really the only places we’re allowed to be.

  “They still discussing what to do with us?” Bria asks, nodding towards the Heads of State meeting currently going on in my kitchen.

  “Yep,” I say, popping the p.

  “I don’t think Jax should be here,” Park, my eldest brother, says. “I don’t like the idea of him having to climb stairs to get to his bedroom. Plus, he’s alone.” Great, thanks for the reminder, biggest bro.

  “That’s a good point,” my pop says.

  “So we’re agreed he should move back to our house then,” Park says. He, along with Christian, our pop, and Pa all live in the house we grew up in, behind the diner we own.

  “Do you think it’s a good idea having Jax and Chris in the same house?” Liam asks. He’s the middle brother, coming after Reed but before Mav. He’s also a three-time National Racing Series champion for our team.

  “Oh, yeah,” Reed says.

  “We’d be more than okay with him staying with us,” Liam says. “In fact, it might be the perfect solution. That way, if he has any issues, Mase is there.” Mase is Mason, Liam’s hot-as-fuck partner. Now, I’m definitely a lover of all things lady, but it wouldn’t take much for me to turn for Mase.

  Pop slaps Liam on the shoulder. “That’s perfect.”

  “You have room for Bria?” Reed asks. “I don’t like the thought of her being home alone if I have to go out.”

  “Sure.” Liam nods.

  “Uh-uh,” Bria says, butting in. “I am not staying away from my husband and daughter. I have….” She trails off as she gets up and rushes to the bathroom. A minute later we hear her throwing up. Again. She comes out, wiping her mouth, and takes her seat on the couch. “As I was saying, I have morning sickness, not the plague. There is no way in hell I’m being separated from my family.”

  “Angel—” Reed begins, but Bria sends him a look that shuts him up on the spot. Never let it be said the Ryan men can’t be tamed, ’cause that right there was exhibit A. “But—” he starts again, and is met with the same stern look. “Baby,” he whines, and I have to muffle my laughter. I love seeing my big, bad brother being cut down to size.

  “I’m more than happy to move Ryan Racing operations to Liam and Mason’s house during the day, but at night I will be curled up in our bed with you and most likely our daughter, where I belong. Although, I’d love to share a bed with just my husband, but you refuse to make Avery sleep in her own bed. Got it?”

  I love when Bria’s sassy side comes out. It’s so fun to see Reed’s reaction. Not that I would ever purposefully provoke her. I’m an angel and I would never be that devious.

  Reed’s shoulders slump, and he sighs. “Fine,” he concedes.

  “It’s settled then,” Pop says. “Jax will move in with Liam and Mase, and during the day Bria will work from there as well.”

  “You know this is bullshit, right?” I ask, crossing my arms. Well, tucking my left into my right.

  “What we know is that you are seriously injured and will need help to get around,” Park says.

  “To get around?” I ask. “I broke my collarbone, not my leg. I can get around fine.”

  “If you’re thinking of driving with that arm—” Pop says.

  I brush him off. “Of course I’m not. Seriously, guys, I don’t know how many times I need to tell you I’m fine.”

  “We’ll believe it when you can get up without stumbling,” Liam says.

  I huff. “Just ’cause your world doesn’t rock,” I mumble.

  “I think the point Liam was making,” Reed says, joining in on the rain on Jax’s parade, “is that your world isn’t rocking because you’re having a great time, it’s rocking because you have a nasty concussion.”

  “Ah!” I yell, frustrated with them smothering me, and then wincing again in pain.

  “Jax,” Pop says.

  I manage to get up, stumbling only slightly, and head to my room.

  “Where are you going?” Park asks.

  “You guys have given me even more of a headache with all your unnecessary worrying, so if it’s okay, I’m going to take some Panadol and go to bed.”

  Chapter 3

  Jax

  I’m being held prisoner. Seriously, my family won’t let me out of their sight. I’ve been at Liam and Mase’s house for two weeks now, and I think I’ve officially gone stir-crazy. I’m an active guy. I like being outside, doing things, but instead I’m cooped up inside, stuck watching shitty daytime TV. Although I can’t even watch too much of that—eye strain and whatnot. All I want to do is be given the all-clear to get back on my bike, to prove to the world, and myself, that I’m not done. I think that’s what’s killing me the most. I know I can do that run. Fuck, I could do it blindfolded, but I’m the only one who knows that. I don’t want to go out this way. I don’t want to be remembered this way.

  Deep down I know I’m not done, I can’t be. But I think I have the docs a bit worried. At my appointment the other day, the doc was pleased with how my collarbone is healing but has concerns about the fact I’m still suffering from the concussion. The dizzy spells and headaches have yet to disappear, my balance is still off, and I still have a slight aversion to bright lights and loud noises. I tried to tell him shining that torch thingy in my eyes wasn’t going to help, but does anyone listen to me? No, of course they don’t. Just like no one listens when I tell them I can’t sit in this house one more minute without totally losing it. Or losing what I have left of it, depending on who you ask. So I take a leaf out of my big bro Mav’s book, pack my shit, and hightail it to the Gold Coast. Mav and Aubrey are still in the States, but they live with Aubrey’s twin, Josh, so I know there will be someone home when I get there.

  I turn off my phone before I leave Booker, our country home town. A bribe to one of the guys that hangs around our diner in the hopes my dad and Reed will sign them to our racing team gets me to the airport. Sucker. It’s then a hop, skip, and a jump to Mav’s. I bang on the door for what feels like hours before someone, I assume the infamous Josh, comes to the door. He’s shorter than me, which is impressive ’cause at five nine I’m not breaking any height records, with messy red hair, jade-green eyes like his sister, and the beginnings of a beer gut.

  “Er, hi?” he says, but instead of being confident, the statement sounds like a question. I push past him and stride into the house like I own it, which I practically do. Anything of Mav’s is also mine, so ergo, this house partly belongs to me.

  The house opens up straightaway to a large living area. To the right, there’s a darkened room, the glow of a computer monitor the only light. To the left is a large family kitchen and corridor that I assume leads to the bedrooms. And in front of me is a wall of glass showcasing the rural setting. My big bro did good.

  “Er, excuse me,” Josh says, and I finally tear my eyes off the scenery to turn and look at him. “I don’t mean to be rude, but this is my house and you’ve just waltzed in here like you own it, so I’m gonna ask nicely, once, who the fuck are you?”

  “Oh shit, my bad, man,” I say, and stretch my hand towards him. “Jax Ryan, Mav’s brother.”

  Josh visibly relaxes when he moves to take my hand. “Josh James, nice to meet you.”
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  “Yeah, you too,” I say. He lets go of my hand and I walk towards the glass wall. Even though Booker is a relatively small town in the scheme of things, you still need to be a fair way out in order to be surrounded by this much bush.

  “So, um,” Josh says, breaking my appreciation of my surroundings, “did Mav know you were coming?”

  “Nah,” I say. “Ever since my accident at the Extreme Games, my family’s been driving me nuts. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I packed up and came here. It worked for Mav, so I thought, why wouldn’t it work for me?”

  “Right.”

  “You got anything to eat? I’m starving.”

  “Oh yeah, come on.” He gestures to the kitchen. “I, ah, haven’t done much shopping,” he says, and opens the fridge to reveal a few bottles of beer, tomato sauce, and some chocolate. I take one of the bottles of beer. “Should you be drinking that?” he asks. “You know….” He points to his head. I sigh and put the bottle back.

  “Water?” I ask. He grabs a glass and fills it from the tap. “Er, thanks,” I say, as he hands it to me. I take a sip. “So I guess you know about my crash, huh?”

  He nods. “Yeah, Aubrey called and told me. She said Mav freaked the hell out.”

  “I can imagine. It wasn’t good.”

  “So you ran away?” he asks, a touch of awe in his voice.

  “I didn’t run away. I just went away.”

  “Yeah, okay,” he laughs.

  I sigh and run my hand through my shaggy brown hair. “It’s just, my family were all over me, acting like I couldn’t do anything for myself, not letting me do anything for myself. I had to get away.”

  “I get that.”

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  “Mmm.” He nods. “I got into a bit of trouble a while ago, and afterwards….”

  “Let me guess, my brother and your sister wouldn’t leave you alone? Watched you like a hawk?”

  “Yep.”

  “Sucks, doesn’t it?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “So tell me,” I say, moving toward the couch, “what can two young, single, good-looking dudes do around here?” He looks at me. “What?”

  “What do you mean ‘two young, single, good-looking dudes’? Have you invited someone else here? ’Cause I’m not sure Mav and Aubrey would like me having a party while they’re gone.”

  I laugh and pat his shoulder. The movement throws me off balance, and I stumble forward. Josh reaches out to grab me. “I’m good,” I say. He gives me a look that says he doubts it. “Seriously, I’m good.”

  “Okay, but I don’t think partying is in the cards for you.”

  “Where’s your sense of adventure, man?” I ask.

  “It died when I racked up a massive gambling debt that ended in my grandpa’s murder,” he says solemnly.

  Fuck, I forgot about that. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  Josh holds up a hand. “Don’t sweat it, I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

  “I really am sorry,” I tell him.

  “Seriously, it’s cool. No babying, remember?”

  I nod. “Yeah.” I raise my glass to him. “Cheers.” I take a sip and examine the contents. Maybe they put something in the water here that makes all your problems go away.

  Chapter 4

  Jax

  A couple of days later I’m fast asleep, minding my own business, dreaming of Emma Watson and her Vanity Fair shoot, when I’m rudely awoken. I manage to pry my eyes open, still a little bit sensitive to light, and find a scowling Mav standing over me. With a groan, I roll over so I’m lying on my noninjured side, my back to him.

  “Hey!” he says, as he shoves me over again, my loss of equilibrium rolling me too far and almost out of bed. “Fuck.” Mav tries to stop me from falling and giving myself yet another concussion and broken collarbone. Once he’s righted me, I manage to sit up and brace myself for the tongue-lashing that’s coming my way in three, two, on—

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Jax?” he demands.

  “Good to see you too, bro, and don’t worry about me, doc says I’m healing fine.”

  “Yeah? Is that why you almost rolled out of bed just now?”

  “That wasn’t my fault! You’re the one who yanked on me. I was quite happily asleep before you barged in here.”

  “And why are you here, Jax? I know you didn’t bother telling anyone where you went. Everyone’s been frantic, trying to track you down.” The crease between his eyebrows is back, which means he’s pissed.

  “Whatever,” I mumble, and go to turn away from him again. Well, as much as I can, given my limitations with this stupid shoulder.

  “I’m serious, Jax,” Mav says. “They’re all worried sick about you.”

  “Well they shouldn’t be, I’m fine. It’s not like they care anyway, they’re not looking after me, they don’t talk to me, they talk about me. It’s as if I’m not even there. I figured, if that’s the case, then I don’t need to be there, so I went,” I explain.

  “You left without telling anybody?” he asks.

  I shrug. “I took a leaf out of your book.”

  “When I left, I didn’t have a broken collarbone and wasn’t still suffering the effects of my fourth concussion.”

  “Eh, details. Besides, I’m willing to bet not long after I turned up here, Josh texted you and told you I was here.”

  Mav tries to hide his smile. “He may have.”

  “And then knowing you and the goody two shoes you are, you in turn told everyone else.”

  “They were worried,” he says.

  “Yeah well, if they were that worried they should have taken notice when I was going stir-crazy right under their noses.”

  “You know they only meant well.”

  “I couldn’t take it anymore, Mav. I was going insane!”

  He sighs. “You’re just lucky I convinced them you’d be okay up here. It helps that Aubrey’s a nurse.”

  “Isn’t she still in uni?”

  “Do you want to stay here or not?” he asks.

  “Right, Aubrey’s a nurse.”

  “Good.”

  “So can I stay?” I ask.

  He nods. “But,” he says before I can begin my happy dance, “there will be rules. Your doctors in Booker have recommended people up here and you will be doing everything they tell you, okay?” I nod and begin tilting to the side as I sit in bed. Mav gently pushes me back to my centre. “You’re a fucking mess,” he says, shaking his head.

  I give him my cheesiest grin. “But you love me anyway.”

  “Don’t make me regret this,” he warns as he walks towards the door.

  Over the next three weeks, I’m a model patient. Seriously. I even let Aubrey practice nursing shit on me. She took my blood pressure so many times I thought my head might pop off from the force of the cuff thingy, but it’s still there, so no harm done. She’s a good choice for my brother. Mav needs someone who’s no-nonsense and isn’t afraid to slap him when he’s being an idiot. I don’t need to tell you she needs to do that often. Seriously though, she’s great. I wouldn’t blame someone who went through the things she, Mav, and Josh went through last year, if they were bitter and angry. But she’s not. I’m sure she misses her grandpa, but she doesn’t walk around with a cloud over her all the time. She’ll be a good nurse, and I’m sure my brother will get a kick out of playing patient with her too.

  Josh is a strange dude. I mean, I know he’s got the whole “I’m responsible for my grandpa’s death” thing going on, but that doesn’t mean he has to be so socially awkward, does it? So I’m doing my best to rectify that. He protests, but I know deep down he’s happy I’ve taken him under my wing.

  “So twin bro,” I ask Josh as we eat breakfast, “you going to join me in the gym once I get the all-clear on my arm?” It’s been six weeks since my accident so, fingers crossed, I’m allowed to start physio. I’m also hoping my doc will let me back in the gym so I can start working my legs again.


  Josh snorts. “Ah yeah, I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?” I ask.

  “I’m not the gym type.”

  “So come for the babes. There’s always a yoga or Pilates class going on,” I tell him.

  He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Nah, come on, man, it’ll be great. I’ll even wingman for ya.”

  “I’ll be right.”

  “Aww, don’t be like that,” I say, “I’m a good wingman, just ask Mav, I’ve been getting him laid for years.”

  “Excuse me?” Mav says, raising an eyebrow.

  “What? It’s true,” I say, ’cause it is.

  “On the odd occasion, and it was really, really odd,” he says to Aubrey, “that I wanted to hook up, I was more than capable of doing it myself. Not that I need to worry about anything like that ever again,” he says, picking up Aubrey’s left hand and kissing her engagement ring.

  “Vomit,” I say, before turning back to Josh. “So what do you say?”

  Chapter 5

  Jax

  The doc said my collarbone healed perfectly, which isn’t a surprise. This is me we’re talking about. But it’s the only thing I’ve got going for me. My concussion is a different matter. The headaches and balance problems are still with me, although the light sensitivity and dizziness have all but gone. I’m only allowed to work out a bit, as too much may “exacerbate” my symptoms. I don’t know why doctors have to use all this fancy mumbo jumbo. I wanted to be like, “yo, dude, I have a concussion. That right there should tell you that big words aren’t going to be easy for me to understand.” But I didn’t. ’Cause I’m a good boy. Ha! Jokes. I didn’t say that though, even if I did really want to. And I get Doc Graham has to be cautious and all that, but what he doesn’t get is that I’m an athlete. A god. A BMX-riding god, and the normal rules don’t apply to me. So that’s how I found myself at the gym of a buddy of my mate Tom. Apparently Bert’s place is the shit, and because I am also the shit, here I am. Just between you and me, I think old Bert has a bit of a man crush on little old me, but hey, I can’t blame the guy.