Breaking Down Page 7

  I sigh. “I can put her on an IV and give her antiserum, but I’m not sure it will work.”

  “I don’t care, we have to try. Please, Bentley,” he says, looking me in the eyes. “I can’t lose her too.”

  With a sigh, I nod. “Come on.” I open the door to the surgery, lead him in, and flick open a cage. “Grab a blanket from over there.” I point to the linen cupboard. “And put her in here.”

  Jax hurries to set Buttons up while I grab an IV kit and the antiserum.

  “Hey, baby girl,” Jax coos, petting the cat gently, “it’s going to be all right.”

  I connect the IV and inject the antiserum.

  “So that’s it?” he asks.

  “Yep,” I say, cleaning up my rubbish.

  “There you go, girl. Bentley’s given you the medicine, so soon you’ll be all better,” he tells her.

  “Jax,” I say, “you know there’s a good chance—”

  “That it’ll work,” he says, cutting me off. “Yes, I do.”

  “That wasn’t what I was going to say,” I tell him.

  “I know, but she doesn’t need to hear anything other than positive thoughts.”

  “Okay,” I agree.

  I finish cleaning up and pull over two desk chairs for us to sit on. Within minutes Buttons is asleep, her tiny chest moving up and down the only movement in the room. It’s also the only thing that has Jax’s attention.

  “I can’t lose her,” he says, breaking the silence. He turns to look at me. “I can’t lose another person I love.” I grab his hand and squeeze it gently.

  After a few hours, there’s no change in Buttons’s condition.

  “You should go home,” I tell Jax. “Get something to eat, have a shower, grab some sleep.”

  “I’m not leaving her,” he says.

  “Really, Jax. There’s nothing you can do here, just wait. You’d be much more comfortable at home.”

  “I said I’m not leaving her,” he snaps at me, anger and determination written all over his face.

  I hold my hands up. “Okay, I’m sorry.” He relaxes back in his seat. “But you do need something to eat. Do you want me to order something?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “You have to eat something, Jax.”

  “I said—”

  “All right, all right,” I say, holding my hands up and cutting him off.

  I pull out my phone and walk into reception. “Hey,” Lisa says in her usual cheery voice.

  “Hey,” I sigh.

  “Oh no, what’s wrong.”

  “I’m still at work. Jax came in with Buttons, she had a tick.”

  “How bad?”

  “Bad,” I tell her.

  “Did you get her started on an IV and give her the antiserum?” she asks.

  “Yeah, but….”

  “There are no guarantees,” she finishes.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “Are you heading home now though?”

  “Jax won’t leave her and….” I stop and blow out a breath. “I can’t leave him.”

  “That’s not a bad thing,” she tells me.

  “Yes it is,” I press. “I can’t do this.” I stop again and take a breath. “I just can’t.”

  “You can,” Lisa presses back.

  Just then a knock on the door gets my attention. I turn to see Mav Ryan standing there, a couple of bags of food in his hands. “Look, Lis, as much as I’d like to argue this with you, Jax’s brother is here so I’ve gotta go.”

  “All right,” she says, even though I can tell she doesn’t want to drop the subject.

  “I’ll see you when you get here tomorrow.” I hang up.

  “Hey,” I say to Mav once I’ve opened the door and let him in.

  “Hey, um, Jax told me he was here, so I, um, brought food,” he says, lifting the bags, his cheeks colouring slightly.

  I smile kindly. “He said he’s not hungry, but I’m sure if we put food in front of him he’ll eat it. He’s through here.” I lead him towards the back. “I’m Bentley, by the way.”

  I turn and see a smile cross his handsome face. “It’s nice to meet you, Bentley. I’m Mav, Jax’s brother.”

  “I know who you are,” I tell him. “I’m a big fan.” We reach the kennels and find Jax still in the same position I left him in, staring at the cage containing Buttons, eyes glued to the movement of her chest.

  “Hey, man,” Mav says, putting the food down on the treatment table, “how is she?”

  “She’s sleeping. Bentley found a tick and gave her some medicine,” Jax answers listlessly.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Mav asks me.

  “Hopefully,” I say. He nods, reading into my words.

  “I brought some food,” the elder Ryan says.

  “I’m not hungry,” Jax snaps.

  “Come on, man, you need to eat.” Jax goes to speak, but Mav doesn’t let him continue. “You’re no good to your girl here,” he gestures to the cage, “if you’re hungry. Plus, I can guarantee Bentley here doesn’t want to deal with your moody arse because you haven’t eaten.”

  “Fine,” Jax whines.

  “Good, I got Chinese.”

  “Did you—”

  “Yes, I ordered your fried rice without peas,” Mav finishes.

  “I suppose that’s good,” Jax says, and Mav laughs.

  “There’s enough for three,” Mav says to me as he starts pulling out container after container.

  “Thanks,” I say, shooting him a grateful smile.

  Watching the two brothers interact is fascinating. They balance each other out perfectly. While Mav is sombre and serious, Jax is light-hearted and easy-going. It’s obvious they’re extremely close.

  “Thanks for all this,” I say to Mav as we clean up.

  “No worries, anything I can do to help.”

  I look over at Jax, who seems to be in a marginally better mood now.

  “He’s not a bad guy,” Mav says, keeping his voice low.

  “I know that,” I tell him.

  “He might act all tough and like he doesn’t give a shit, but it’s just a front. He takes everything to heart.”

  I feel a pang in my chest. I know what Mav’s trying to get at. It’s the same thing that runs through my head every time we’re together. “I know,” I say softly.

  “Good,” Mav says. “It’s just, he’s my little brother and I look out for him. I don’t want his heart ripped out again.” I nod. “Hey, man,” he says, his voice back to its normal level, “I’m gonna head out, let me know how things go here okay?”

  Jax gets up, and the two brothers do the manly backslap/hug thing. When they break apart, Mav takes a second to look Jax in the eyes.

  “I’ll be okay,” Jax tells him.

  Mav nods. “You know I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thanks, bro.” With a final backslap, Mav’s gone.

  “So your brother’s nice,” I say.

  “He’s got a fiancée,” Jax tells me.

  “Oh, I know. She can have him, he’s a little too intense for my taste.” I gather some blankets to make some sort of bed.

  “I told you he wasn’t all that.”

  “Yeah, you might be right about that. Here.” I hand him a bunch of soft dog beds. “They’ve been washed, and it’s the closest thing we’re going to get to a bed tonight.”

  He looks at the stack of foam bedding, then up at me. “Thanks for this.”

  I shrug. “It’s nothing.”

  “No, it’s not,” he says, walking towards me, “it’s everything.”

  “Jax,” I say, as his chest brushes against mine, his hands resting on my hips before pulling me to him. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  “No?” He runs his nose up the column of my throat before gently kissing behind my ear. A shiver races through my body.

  “No, it’s not. We’re just friends,” I say, melting into his hold as he trails kisses on my cheek and along my jaw.

  “Fr
iends can kiss,” he tells me.

  “Is that all we’re going to do?” He trails more kisses down my neck, and I tilt my head to give him room. “Mmm,” I moan.

  He smiles against me. “You tell me, darlin’, is this all we’re going to do?” He pulls me tighter against him, and I feel his erection, hot and hard against my core.

  “This isn’t a good idea.” My voice is weak, even to my ears.

  “Shh,” he tells me, before taking my lips in a punishing kiss. His tongue invades my mouth, owning it. It’s like a shot of adrenaline has been injected into me, and suddenly I can’t get enough of him, can’t get close enough to him. I’m pulling at his clothes, trying to get to him, to have him close to me, consequences be damned. His hand moves from my hip to the waist of my scrub pants before burrowing under them and straight under my panties. “You’re fucking soaked,” he says as his fingers explore me.

  “Uh-huh,” I say breathlessly, clawing at him, begging him silently to take me.

  His thumb finds my clit as a finger enters me. Immediately I clench around it. “Shit, you’re tight,” he gasps, but continues to work in and out of me.

  “Jax.” I feel my orgasm build. He adds a second finger and hooks them, rubbing a spot I’ve never been able to find. It’s too much, and I come in a rush.

  After that it’s a free-for-all as we both tear at our clothes. Once we’re both naked, Jax takes me in his arms again and lowers us to the stack of dog beds. He looks down at me and brushes an errant silvery-purple-pinkish-coloured hair off my face.

  “You’re so goddam beautiful,” he says. I shake my head. “You are, and I’m going to make sure you know it.” He kisses me quickly before scrounging through his clothes for jeans, finally coming up with his wallet. Opening it, he locates a condom and tosses the wallet aside. Within seconds he’s sheathed, and poised at my entrance. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this,” he says, before sliding into me.

  The fullness is incredible. I’ve never felt anything like it. Jax groans once he’s fully seated inside of me. “Fuck, darlin’, if I’d known it would feel this good, I never would’ve waited so long.”

  I moan and tilt my hips up, encouraging him to move. “Jax,” I moan, clawing at his back.

  “I got ya, darlin’,” he says, starting to move. In and out he thrusts, each time making sure his pubic bone grinds against my clit as well. I arch my back. Jax takes that opportunity to take one of my nipples into his mouth, biting down before soothing the sting away and sucking. My hands go to his head and hold him there. After a minute, he switches to my other breast, giving it the same attention.

  “Jax,” I moan again. “I’m close.”

  “Hold on,” he tells me, picking up his pace. A few thrusts later he gives me the okay. “Come for me, darlin’.” As if on cue, I do as he says, clamping down on him, triggering his release. “Fuuuuuccccckkkkk,” he groans as he comes, before collapsing on top of me. “Damn, darlin’,” he says as he rolls off me, “that was fucking fantastic.”

  I give him a weak smile but can’t find it in me to reciprocate his enthusiasm. All I can think is, what have I done?

  Chapter 13

  Jax

  Despite the shitty-arse bed I’m sleeping on, that was one of the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in a while. I smile as I remember what happened between Bentley and me. She could deny it all she wanted, but I knew she wanted me. Now that she’s had me, we can ride off into the sunset together. I’m sure Mav wouldn’t mind if I borrowed his bike for a bit. I open my eyes, expecting her to still be beside me, but she’s not. I look up and check Buttons’s cage, but she’s not there either. Hurriedly I get dressed.

  “Bentley?” I call.

  “In here,” she says, her voice coming from the exam room.

  I walk in and find her sitting on a stool, Buttons on a blanket on the table, eating from a dropper. “Hey,” I say as I walk over to her. When I get there, I kiss the top of her head. “How’s our girl?”

  “She’s better,” Bentley says with a tight smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “But?” I ask.

  “But nothing.”

  “So why does your face say otherwise?”

  “No face,” she says, wiping all emotion from it. “Buttons is doing well. She responded well to the antiserum and has had a little bit to eat. Once Lisa gets in I’ll have her check her over, then she can probably go home.”

  “That’s great!” I say, and lean down to kiss Bentley, but she moves and dodges it. “Okaaayyy,” I say, confused about her avoidance and overall weirdness.

  “I should get everything set up for the day,” she says as she gets up.

  I bundle Buttons up and chase after my girl. I’ve just caught up to her when Lisa, the vet, walks through the door.

  “Hey, you two,” she says, smiling. “I brought breakfast, I figured you could use it.”

  I look to Bentley, who is steadfastly ignoring me. “That’s great, Lis, thanks.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” I mumble.

  “You’re welcome,” she says, coming over to me. “How’s our patient doing this morning?”

  “Bentley says she’s better,” I reply.

  “Well, let’s check her out,” she says, grabbing Buttons from me and heading to the exam room.

  “Hey, Lis,” Bentley calls, “I’m just going to run home and take a shower and change, all right?”

  “Oh sure, hon,” Lisa says, her focus fully on Buttons, “take your time.”

  Without a word to me, Bentley’s out the door.

  A few hours later when Buttons and I leave the clinic, there’s still no sign of her.

  ***

  The next day Bentley isn’t at the gym for our usual session. In fact, over the next two weeks, I don’t see or hear from her at all. I thought after our night together that would be it, we would put all the bullshit playing around we’ve been doing behind us. Apparently she had other ideas. It doesn’t mean I’ve been able to stop thinking about her, though. Every night when I go to sleep all I can see is her beneath me, the look on her face when she came etched into my memory. I know that even if I never see her again, I’ll never forget it. I thought that this time, something would go right, that Bentley would be different. Maybe it was naïve of me to think we’d go riding off into the sunset, but I did. I wanted to. I wanted it so badly. I thought Bentley did too. Clearly I was wrong, just like I have been so many times before.

  I stomp into the house after another Bentley-less gym session, and flop on the couch.

  “Hey,” Mav says as he pokes his head around the corner of the kitchen, his mouth full. I lift a hand in reply. I hear the fridge close, and he comes over to join me, dropping into a recliner. “What’s up?” he asks as he takes a sip of water.

  “Nothing,” I sigh.

  “Uh-huh, and I suppose that’s the same nothing that’s been up for a fortnight, right?”

  “Yep,” I say, popping the p.

  “Come on, Jax, talk to me. I know it’s not our thing, but it clearly didn’t work for me, so, what’s up, bro?”

  “It may not have worked for you, but I’m a BMX god, things are my bitch,” I say. Mav doesn’t reply, just sits and stares at me. “What?” I ask after a minute of him not saying anything.

  “Nothing,” he says, but doesn’t look away from me.

  “Grr,” I say, annoyed. The look on his face changes from neutral to smug. “You’re a fucking pest, you know that?”

  He chuckles. “Where do you think you got it from?”

  “No one. I’m Jax Ryan. I imitate no one, I’m one hundred percent original.”

  “Uh-huh, sure,” he jests.

  “Whatever,” I mutter.

  “Seriously, Jax, tell me what’s going on. I know there’s something. You never know, I may be able to help.”

  I sigh. “I slept with Bentley.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, and it was fucking fantastic, like, I saw stars and shit. So I wake up t
he next morning and she’s ice-cold towards me.”

  “Oh,” Mav says again.

  “Yeah. That was two weeks ago, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

  “So I guess it wasn’t just a one-night thing?”

  “Not for me,” I say, picking at a seam on the couch.

  “Does she feel the same?”

  “I don’t know, because she won’t fucking talk to me,” I say, my frustration rising to the surface. “I’ve been calling and texting her, trying to get her to say something, anything, but it’s been radio silence. I thought about turning up at her work but I thought that may be a bridge too far. I just don’t get it, man. We were perfect. We are perfect. How can she just walk away from this?”

  Mav sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe this is for the best.”

  “What? How?” I ask, jerking upright.

  “Don’t lose your shit on me, but is Bentley really someone you want to take this leap with?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” I ask, confused. I don’t get why Mav is asking this question. Bentley’s amazing and incredible and all sorts of good things, why wouldn’t I want to be with her?

  “I don’t know,” he says, scratching his cheek, a sure sign he’s uncomfortable. “When I met her she seemed kind of, I don’t know, closed off, I guess.”

  “Not with me, she’s not.”

  “Okay,” he says.

  “That’s it?” I ask. That was way too easy.

  “What else is there? She’s different with you, I believe that.”

  “But you think there’s more, don’t you?”

  He sighs. “I say she seems closed off, you say she’s different with you. I’m not saying that’s not the case, but from what I’m seeing right now, her avoiding you, I’d say she’s closed off to you too.”

  I shake my head. “You’re wrong. You’re dead wrong.”

  Mav’s words are still swirling round in my head two weeks later. Luckily the doc checked me out and said I am officially free of all concussion symptoms and can resume full training. I have to admit it felt fucking amazing to be told that. There was a second there when Bentley crossed my mind. I thought of how proud she’d be of me and the progress I made, but I dismiss it quickly. I don’t want thoughts of her to occupy my happy place. Even if she does make that place brighter, I can’t have her invade it. She’s made her feelings more than clear. It doesn’t matter how much I wish she’d reconsider, and how much I hate myself for wanting that. Bentley La Roche is out of the picture. And that leaves me to be my amazing self once again. Crisis averted. And just to prove she is out of my system once and for all, I’m taking Josh out on the town. I’m going to get that kid laid if it kills me.